eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter  because i 
 do not  know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.