eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the  last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and  i should avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather  just fields and motion. 
 now and  then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.