eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do  not know how  useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not  see a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid  to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now  and  then i hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful,  but i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.