eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do  not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.