RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&&&&¨&&¨ »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ¨&&¨¨¨¨¨&¨
&&&¨¨¨&&¨& &&¨&¨¨¨¨&&
¨¨¨&¨¨&¨&& THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN &¨&&&¨¨¨&¨
¨¨¨&&¨&&&¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. &&&¨¨&¨¨&&
&¨¨&¨&&¨¨& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨¨&¨&&¨&¨
&&¨&&&¨&¨& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &¨¨&&&¨&&&
¨¨&&¨¨&&&& ¨&¨&¨¨&&¨¨
¨¨&¨&¨&¨¨¨ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &&&&&¨&¨&¨
¨¨&&&&&&¨¨ THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH &¨¨¨¨&&&&&
&¨&¨¨¨¨¨&¨ IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO &&¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨
&&&&¨¨¨¨&& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨&¨¨&&¨¨¨
&¨¨¨&¨¨¨&¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨¨&&¨&¨&¨¨
&&¨¨&&¨¨&& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨¨&¨&&&&&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&¨ COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &¨&&&¨¨¨¨&
¨&&&&&&&&& ¨&&¨¨&¨¨¨&
&&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨&¨&¨&&¨¨&
¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨&&&&&¨&¨&
&¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨ COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &&¨¨¨¨&&&&
¨&&¨&¨¨¨¨¨ WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨¨&¨¨¨&¨¨¨
¨&¨&&&¨¨¨¨ OPERATION. &¨&&¨¨&&¨¨
¨&&&¨¨&¨¨¨ &&&¨&¨&¨&¨
¨&¨¨&¨&&¨¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &¨¨&&&&&&&
&&&¨&&&¨&¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨&¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨
&¨¨&&¨¨&&& ¨&&&&¨¨¨¨¨
&&¨&¨&¨&¨¨ »»# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #»» &&¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨
&¨&&&&&&&¨ »»# FOR QUIET AND CALM #»» ¨¨&¨¨&&¨¨¨
&&&¨¨¨¨¨¨& ¨¨&&¨&¨&¨¨
&¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨& »»# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #»» ¨¨&¨&&&&&¨
&&¨&&¨¨¨¨& »»# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #»» &¨&&&¨¨¨¨&
¨¨&&¨&¨¨¨& »»# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #»» &&&¨¨&¨¨¨&
&¨&¨&&&¨¨& »»# AND AT EASE #»» ¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨&
¨&&&&¨¨&¨& ¨¨¨&&&¨&¨&
&&¨¨¨&¨&&& »»# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #»» &¨¨&¨¨&&&&
¨¨&¨¨&&&¨¨ »»# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #»» &&¨&&¨&¨¨¨
¨¨&&¨&¨¨&¨ »»# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #»» ¨¨&&¨&&&¨¨
¨¨&¨&&&¨&& &¨&¨&&¨¨&¨
¨¨&&&¨¨&&¨ »»# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #»» ¨&&&&¨&¨&&
&¨&¨¨&¨&¨& »»# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #»» &&¨¨¨&&&&¨
&&&&¨&&&&& »»# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #»» ¨¨&¨¨&¨¨¨&
¨¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨ »»# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #»» ¨¨&&¨&&¨¨&
&¨¨¨&¨&¨¨¨ »»# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #»» &¨&¨&&¨&¨&
¨&¨¨&&&&¨¨ ¨&&&&¨&&&&
&&&¨&¨¨¨&¨ »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ¨&¨¨¨&&¨¨¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.