eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the  last few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do not  like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could  not  see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and  then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but i think it has  to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.