eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do  not  know how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do  not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to  ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.