eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not  like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.