eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do  not know how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at least,  and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not  see a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to ruin  all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.