eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few  times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to  ruin all  the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.