eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know how  useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not like, and  there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.