eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do  not like, and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i  should  avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.