eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not know  how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not like, and  there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid  to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.