eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though,  rather  just fields and motion. 
 now and then  i hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.