eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not  know how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to ruin  all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.