eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do  not  know how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i  think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.