eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do  not  know how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at least,  and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not like,  and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at  least the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.