eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not know how  useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not like,  and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to ruin  all  the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.