eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not know  how  useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i  could not  see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.