eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not  know how useful they have  been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do not like,  and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful, but i think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.