eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful,  but i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.