eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not know  how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid  to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.