eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter  because i 
 do not  know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not  like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather  just fields and motion. 
 now  and then i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is always  unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.