eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do not like,  and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i  could not see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid  to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and  then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.