eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not  know  how useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the  last few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not  see a certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.