eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do not  know how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do not like, and  there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could not  see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should  avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.