eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not like,  and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could  not  see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now  and then i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.