eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do not know  how  useful  they have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i  could  not see a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid  to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or  at least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.