eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do  not  like, and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at  least the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now  and then i  hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.