eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not  know how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do  not  like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid  to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or  at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.