eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not  know how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.