eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do  not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could not  see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is always  unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.