eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do not know how  useful they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do not like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i  hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i think it has  to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.