eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do  not know how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now  and  then i hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i think  it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.