eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times at least,  and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and  i should avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.