eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do  not know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i  could not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now  and then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.