eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do not know  how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do  not  like, and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to  ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.