eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do not  know how useful they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do  not  like, and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at  least the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now  and then i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful,  but i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.