eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do  not  know how useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the last few  times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do not  like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid  to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i  think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.