eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do not know  how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now  and  then i hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.