the feeling fo "somethign is wrong  with 
 the  world"  -  in a very profound  way, 
   in a doubt-your-every-qualia way, it   
 never dissipated.  just grew used to it, 
                numb to it                
                                          
   maybe even filtered subconsciously to  
      relieve the growing tension and     
              disillusionment             
                                          
 that's  perhaps  the  draw  of  stories, 
  mysteries and "magiscal realism", most  
 horror   stories   even   -   there   is 
    confirmation. something really is   
 there. what it is is  not that important