eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do  not  know how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them,  the  last few times at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.