eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not  know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do  not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.