eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter  because i 
 do  not know  how useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do not  like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful, but i think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.