RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨¨&¨¨&&&& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» &¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨
&&¨&&¨&¨¨¨ &&¨&¨¨&¨¨¨
&¨&&¨&&&¨¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨&&&¨&&¨¨
&&&¨&&¨¨&¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. &¨&¨¨&&¨&¨
&¨¨&&¨&¨&& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨&&&¨&¨&&&
¨&¨&¨&&&&¨ CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &&¨¨&&&&¨¨
¨&&&&&¨¨¨& &¨&¨&¨¨¨&¨
¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &&&&&&¨¨&&
&&&¨¨¨&&¨& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨¨¨¨¨¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨¨&¨&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨¨¨¨¨¨&&&&
¨&¨&&¨&&&¨ THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM &¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨
¨&&&¨&&¨¨& WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨&¨¨¨¨&&¨¨
¨&¨¨&&¨&¨& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨&&¨¨¨&¨&¨
¨&&¨&¨&&&& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &&¨&¨¨&&&&
&&¨&&&&¨¨¨ ¨¨&&&¨&¨¨¨
&¨&&¨¨¨&¨¨ IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND &¨&¨¨&&&¨¨
&&&¨&¨¨&&¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨&&&¨&¨¨&¨
&¨¨&&&¨&¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &&¨¨&&&¨&&
¨&¨&¨¨&&&& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨¨&¨&¨¨&&¨
¨&&&&¨&¨¨¨ OPERATION. &¨&&&&¨&¨&
&&¨¨¨&&&¨¨ ¨&&¨¨¨&&&&
¨¨&¨¨&¨¨&¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&¨&¨¨&¨¨¨
¨¨&&¨&&¨&& NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: &&&&&¨&&¨¨
¨¨&¨&&¨&&¨ &¨¨¨¨&&¨&¨
¨¨&&&¨&&¨& »»# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #»» ¨&¨¨¨&¨&&&
&¨&¨¨&&¨&& »»# FOR QUIET AND CALM #»» ¨&&¨¨&&&¨¨
&&&&¨&¨&&¨ ¨&¨&¨&¨¨&¨
&¨¨¨&&&&¨& »»# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #»» ¨&&&&&&¨&&
¨&¨¨&¨¨¨&& »»# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #»» ¨&¨¨¨¨¨&&¨
¨&&¨&&¨¨&¨ »»# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #»» ¨&&¨¨¨¨&¨&
&&¨&&¨&¨&& »»# AND AT EASE #»» &&¨&¨¨¨&&&
¨¨&&¨&&&&¨ &¨&&&¨¨&¨¨
¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨& »»# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #»» &&&¨¨&¨&&¨
¨¨&&&¨&¨¨& »»# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #»» ¨¨¨&¨&&&¨&
&¨&¨¨&&&¨& »»# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #»» &¨¨&&&¨¨&&
¨&&&¨&¨¨&& &&¨&¨¨&¨&¨
¨&¨¨&&&¨&¨ »»# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #»» ¨¨&&&¨&&&&
&&&¨&¨¨&&& »»# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #»» &¨&¨¨&&¨¨¨
&¨¨&&&¨&¨¨ »»# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #»» &&&&¨&¨&¨¨
&&¨&¨¨&&&¨ »»# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #»» ¨¨¨¨&&&&&¨
&¨&&&¨&¨¨& »»# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #»» ¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨&
¨&&¨¨&&&¨& ¨¨¨¨&&¨¨¨&
&&¨&¨&¨¨&& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ¨¨¨¨&¨&¨¨&
,,,», , »», , », ,»
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.