eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not like,  and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should  avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful,  but i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.