eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not  like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and  i should avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now  and  then i hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.