eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do  not know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do  not like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.