RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
¨&&&&¨&¨&¨ «««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« &&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨¨&&&¨&¨&¨ &&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN &&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ OPERATION. ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# FOR QUIET AND CALM #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# AND AT EASE #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ««# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #«« ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ ««# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #«« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨ «««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« ¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨&
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.