the feeling  fo "somethign is wrong with 
 the world"    - in a very  profound way, 
   in a doubt-your-every-qualia way, it   
 never dissipated. just  grew used to it, 
                numb to it                
                                          
  maybe even filtered subconsciously to   
     relieve the growing tension and      
             disillusionment              
                                          
 that's  perhaps  the  draw  of  stories, 
  mysteries and "magiscal realism", most  
 horror   stories   even   -   there   is 
    confirmation. something really is   
 there. what it is is not that  important