RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&¨&&&&&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨&¨&¨¨¨¨&¨
&&&&&¨¨¨¨¨ &&&&&¨¨¨&&
¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨&¨
¨¨¨¨¨&&¨¨¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. &¨¨¨¨&&¨&&
&¨¨¨¨&¨&¨¨ ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨&¨¨¨&¨&&¨
&&¨¨¨&&&&¨ CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &&&¨¨&&&¨&
¨¨&¨¨&¨¨¨& ¨¨¨&¨&¨¨&&
&¨&&¨&&¨¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &¨¨&&&&¨&¨
&&&¨&&¨&¨& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨&¨&¨¨¨&&&
¨¨¨&&¨&&&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO &&&&&¨¨&¨¨
¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨ THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨¨¨¨&¨&&¨
¨¨¨&&&¨&¨¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨&
&¨¨&¨¨&&&¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨&&
¨&¨&&¨&¨¨& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &¨¨¨¨&&¨&¨
¨&&&¨&&&¨& &&¨¨¨&¨&&&
&&¨¨&&¨¨&& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨&¨¨&&&¨¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨&&¨&¨¨&¨
&&&&&&&&&& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &¨&¨&&&¨&&
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨&&&&¨¨&&¨
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ OPERATION. ¨&¨¨¨&¨&¨&
&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ ¨&&¨¨&&&&&
¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &&¨&¨&¨¨¨¨
¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨¨&&&&&¨¨¨
¨&¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨ ¨¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨
¨&&&&¨¨¨¨¨ ~~# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #~~ ¨¨&&¨¨¨&&¨
¨&¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨ ~~# FOR QUIET AND CALM #~~ ¨¨&¨&¨¨&¨&
&&&¨¨&&¨¨¨ ¨¨&&&&¨&&&
¨¨¨&¨&¨&¨¨ ~~# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #~~ ¨¨&¨¨¨&&¨¨
¨¨¨&&&&&&¨ ~~# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #~~ ¨¨&&¨¨&¨&¨
¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨& ~~# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #~~ &¨&¨&¨&&&&
&¨¨&&¨¨¨¨& ~~# AND AT EASE #~~ ¨&&&&&&¨¨¨
&&¨&¨&¨¨¨& ¨&¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨
&¨&&&&&¨¨& ~~# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #~~ ¨&&¨¨¨¨&&¨
&&&¨¨¨¨&¨& ~~# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #~~ ¨&¨&¨¨¨&¨&
¨¨¨&¨¨¨&&& ~~# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #~~ ¨&&&&¨¨&&&
&¨¨&&¨¨&¨¨ &&¨¨¨&¨&¨¨
&&¨&¨&¨&&¨ ~~# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #~~ &¨&¨¨&&&&¨
&¨&&&&&&¨& ~~# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #~~ ¨&&&¨&¨¨¨&
¨&&¨¨¨¨¨&& ~~# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #~~ &&¨¨&&&¨¨&
&&¨&¨¨¨¨&¨ ~~# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #~~ &¨&¨&¨¨&¨&
¨¨&&&¨¨¨&& ~~# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #~~ &&&&&&¨&&&
&¨&¨¨&¨¨&¨ &¨¨¨¨¨&&¨¨
&&&&¨&&¨&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&¨¨¨¨&¨&¨
...~. . ~~. . ~. .~
. .. . . ¨ .¨ ¨
¨ ¨ % ¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.