RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
.......... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&..&&&...
&&&&&&&&&& &....&..&&
&&&&&&&&&. THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ..&&.....&
&&&&&&&&.. THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. .....&&&..
.&&&&&&..& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL &&&&..&...
..&&&&.... CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &&&.....&&
...&&..&&. &&..&&&...
&&........ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &....&..&&
&..&&&&&&. THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ..&&.....&
....&&&&.. IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO .....&&&..
&&&..&&..& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM &&&&..&..&
&&........ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE &&&.......
...&&&&&&& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE &&..&&&&&.
&&..&&&&&& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) .....&&&..
.....&&&&. &&&&..&...
&&&&..&&.. IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND &&&.....&&
&&&......& CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR &&..&&&..&
&&..&&&&.. COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &....&....
.....&&..& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ..&&...&&.
&&&&...... OPERATION. &....&....
.&&..&&&&& ..&&...&&.
......&&&& SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &....&....
&&&&&..&&. NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ..&&...&&&
&&&&...... &....&..&&
&&&..&&&&. ~~# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #~~ ..&&.....&
&&....&&.. ~~# FOR QUIET AND CALM #~~ &....&&&..
...&&....& ..&&..&...
&&....&&.. ~~# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #~~ &.......&&
&..&&....& ~~# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #~~ ..&&&&&..&
......&&.. ~~# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #~~ &..&&&....
&&&&&..... ~~# AND AT EASE #~~ ....&..&&&
&&&&..&&&& &&&.....&&
&&&....&&& ~~# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #~~ &&..&&&..&
&&..&&..&& ~~# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #~~ .....&....
.........& ~~# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #~~ &&&&...&&.
&&&&&&&&.. .&&..&....
.&&&&&&..& ~~# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #~~ .......&&.
..&&&&.... ~~# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #~~ &&&&&&....
&..&&..&&& ~~# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #~~ &&&&&..&&&
........&& ~~# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #~~ .&&&....&&
.&&&&&&..& ~~# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #~~ ..&..&&...
..&&&&.... ........&&
...&&..&&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&&&&&&...
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~ ~~ ~ ~ . ~. .
. . * .
.
WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.