RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨¨¨&¨¨¨&¨¨
&&&&&&&&¨¨ ¨&¨¨¨&¨¨¨&
&&&&&&&¨¨¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨¨&¨¨¨&¨¨
¨&&&&&¨¨&& THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨&¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨
¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨ ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨¨&¨¨¨&&&
¨¨¨&¨¨&&&& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨&¨¨¨&¨¨&¨
&&¨¨¨¨¨&&¨ ¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨
¨¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING ¨&¨¨¨&&&&¨
&&¨¨&¨¨&&& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨¨¨&¨¨&&¨¨
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&&&&&&&¨¨& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨¨&&&&&&&
&&&&&&¨¨¨¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE &&¨¨&&&&&&
&&&&&¨¨&&& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE &¨¨¨¨&&&&&
&&&&¨¨¨¨&& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) ¨¨&&¨¨&&&&
&&&¨¨&&¨¨& &¨¨¨¨¨¨&&&
&&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨&&&&¨¨&&
&¨¨&&&&&&¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨&
¨¨¨¨&&&&¨¨ COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &&¨¨¨¨&&¨¨
&&&¨¨&&¨¨¨ WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨&
&&¨¨¨¨¨¨&& OPERATION. &&¨¨¨¨&&¨¨
¨¨¨&&&&¨¨¨ ¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨¨
&&¨¨&&¨¨&& SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &&¨¨¨¨&&&&
&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨& NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨¨¨&&¨¨&&&
¨¨&&&&&&¨¨ &&¨¨¨¨¨¨&&
¨¨¨&&&&¨¨¨ ~~# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #~~ &¨¨&&&&¨¨¨
&&¨¨&&¨¨&& ~~# FOR QUIET AND CALM #~~ ¨¨¨¨&&¨¨&&
&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨& ¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨&
¨¨&&&&&&¨¨ ~~# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #~~ ¨¨¨¨&&&&¨¨
&¨¨&&&&¨¨¨ ~~# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #~~ ¨&&¨¨&&¨¨&
¨¨¨¨&&¨¨&& ~~# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #~~ ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&&&¨¨¨¨¨¨& ~~# AND AT EASE #~~ &&&&&&&&&&
&&¨¨&&&&¨¨ &&&&&&&&&&
&¨¨¨¨&&¨¨& ~~# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #~~ &&&&&&&&&&
¨¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨ ~~# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #~~ &&&&&&&&&&
¨¨¨¨¨&&&&& ~~# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #~~ &&&&&&&&&¨
&&&&¨¨&&&& &&&&&&&&¨¨
¨&&¨¨¨¨&&& ~~# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #~~ ¨&&&&&&¨¨¨
¨¨¨¨&&¨¨&& ~~# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #~~ ¨¨&&&&¨¨&&
¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨& ~~# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #~~ ¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨¨
¨¨¨¨&&&&¨¨ ~~# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #~~ &&¨¨¨¨&&&&
¨&&¨¨&&¨¨& ~~# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #~~ &¨¨&&¨¨&&¨
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨ ¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&&&&&&&&&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&&&&&&&&&
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.