RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&&¨&&¨¨& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» &¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨&
&¨&&¨&&&¨¨ ¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨&
&¨&&¨&¨&&¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨&¨¨¨¨&¨&
&¨&&¨¨¨&&& THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨&
&¨&&&¨¨&¨& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨¨&
&¨&¨&&¨¨¨& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨&
&¨¨¨&&&¨¨& &&¨¨¨¨&¨¨&
&&¨¨&¨&&¨¨ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING ¨&&¨¨¨¨&¨&
¨&&¨¨¨&&&¨ THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨&
¨&&&¨¨&¨&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&¨&&¨¨¨¨¨
¨&¨&&¨¨¨&& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨
¨¨¨&&&¨¨&¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE &¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨
¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE &&¨¨¨&&&¨¨
¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨¨ COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &&&¨¨&¨&&¨
¨¨¨¨¨&¨&&¨ &¨&&¨¨¨&&&
&¨¨¨¨¨¨&&& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨&&&¨¨&¨&
&&¨¨¨¨¨&¨& CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨&
¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &¨¨¨&&&¨¨&
¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE &&¨¨&¨&&¨¨
¨&¨&&¨¨¨¨¨ OPERATION. ¨&&¨¨¨&&&¨
¨¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨ ¨&&&¨¨&¨&&
&¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&¨&&¨¨¨&&
&&¨¨¨&&&¨¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨¨¨&&&¨¨&¨
&&&¨¨&¨&&¨ &¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨
&¨&&¨¨¨&&& »»# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #»» &&¨¨¨&&&¨¨
¨¨&&&¨¨&¨& »»# FOR QUIET AND CALM #»» &&&¨¨&¨&&¨
¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨& &¨&&¨¨¨&&&
&¨¨¨&&&¨¨& »»# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #»» ¨¨&&&¨¨&¨&
&&¨¨&¨&&¨¨ »»# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #»» ¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨&
¨&&¨¨¨&&&¨ »»# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #»» ¨¨¨¨&&&¨¨&
¨&&&¨¨&¨&& »»# AND AT EASE #»» ¨¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨
¨&¨&&¨¨¨&& ¨¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨
¨¨¨&&&¨¨&¨ »»# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #»» &¨¨¨¨¨&¨&&
&¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨ »»# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #»» &&¨¨¨¨¨¨&&
&&¨¨¨&&&¨¨ »»# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #»» ¨&&¨¨¨¨¨&¨
&&&¨¨&¨&&¨ ¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨¨
&¨&&¨¨¨&&& »»# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #»» ¨&¨&&¨¨¨¨¨
¨¨&&&¨¨&¨& »»# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #»» ¨¨¨&&&¨¨¨¨
¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨& »»# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #»» &¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨
¨¨¨¨&&&¨¨& »»# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #»» &&¨¨¨&&&¨¨
¨¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨ »»# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #»» &&&¨¨&¨&&¨
¨¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨ &¨&&¨¨¨&&&
&¨¨¨¨¨&¨&& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ¨¨&&&¨¨&¨&
...». . »». . ». .»
. .. . . ¨ .¨ ¨
¨ ¨ § ¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.