RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&¨¨¨&¨&& «««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« ¨¨&¨&¨¨¨¨¨
&¨&¨¨&&¨¨& ¨&&¨&¨¨¨¨&
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨&¨&¨¨¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨&&¨&¨¨&&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& OPERATION. ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# FOR QUIET AND CALM #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# AND AT EASE #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ««# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #«« ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& ««# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #«« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨¨& ¨&&¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&¨&¨&¨&& «««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««« ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.