the feeling fo "somethign is  wrong with 
 the world"  -  in a very  profound  way, 
   in a doubt-your-every-qualia way, it   
 never dissipated. just grew used  to it, 
                numb to it                
                                          
   maybe even filtered subconsciously to  
      relieve the growing tension and     
             disillusionment              
                                          
 that's  perhaps  the  draw  of  stories, 
  mysteries and "magiscal realism", most  
 horror   stories   even   -   there   is 
    confirmation. something really is   
 there. what it  is is not that important