eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do not  like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what  a load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but i think  it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.