eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do  not  know how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the  last few times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do  not like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid  to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.