eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter  because i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.