eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do  not know how  useful they  have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i  should avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and  then  i hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.