eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know how useful  they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i hear this sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful, but i  think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.