eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not  know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do not  like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long time i  could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now  and then i  hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but  i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.