eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do not know how  useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do not  like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now  and then i hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.