eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them,  the last few times  at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.