eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not  know  how  useful they have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do  not  like, and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now  and then i hear this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always  unpleasant, i become 
 so  stressful, but  i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.