eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful,  but i think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.