eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do  not  know  how useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.