eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know  how  useful they  have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and then  i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.