eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do  not know  how useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do  not like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.