eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do not like,  and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ...  and i should  avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.