eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do not  know how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and  then i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.