eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do not know how  useful  they  have been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now  and then i hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but  i think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.