eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do  not know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do  not like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could not see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i  hear this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.