eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do  not know  how useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could not  see a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin all  the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is always  unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but  i think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.