eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do not know  how  useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the  last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really do  not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long  time  i  could not see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i  hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.