eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do not know  how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do  not  like, and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid  to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at least  the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now  and then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it  has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.