eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know how useful  they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example, for  a 
 long time i  could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should  avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and then  i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.