eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do not  know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them,  the  last few times at least, and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really do not like,  and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now and then  i  hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.