eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do not  know  how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but  i think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.