eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do not know how useful  they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do not  like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not  see a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and  then i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.