eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know  how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last few times  at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random   things  that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to  ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now  and then i  hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.