eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do  not know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do  not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time i  could  not see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but i think it has  to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.