eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter  because i 
 do  not know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to  ruin all  the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now  and then  i hear this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but  i think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.