eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking   to    stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter  because i 
 do not  know how useful they  have  been 
 anyway? i  get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the  last few times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really  do  not like, and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and  i should avoid to ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear  this sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.