eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do not  know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at  least the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just  fields and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think  it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.