eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do not know  how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last few  times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not  like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,   they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer  be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now  and  then i hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.