eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do  not  know how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i get  so  tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there  are plenty of side effects that i 
 really  do not like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things   that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant, i  become 
 so  stressful, but i  think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.