eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do not  know  how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really  do  not like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin  all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and  making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful, but i  think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.