eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the winter because  i 
 do  not know how useful they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last  few times  at least, and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do  not  like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to ruin all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least the  burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of concepts  this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now  and then i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful, but i  think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.