eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do  not know  how  useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long time  i could  not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now  and then i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so  stressful, but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.