eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in the  winter  because  i 
 do not know  how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the last few  times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of  side effects that i 
 really do not  like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and  i should avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.