eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not know  how  useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when  i take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do not  like,  and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what  a load of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark  when i 
 close   my  eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though, rather just  fields  and motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound (a  real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.