eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was    thinking   to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last  few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things   that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should  avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or  at least the  burn-ins  in 
 the  eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe  i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear this sound  (a  real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant, i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.