eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do  not know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do not like, and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not   do  it 
 before. but maybe i just  drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather just  fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear this  sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always  unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but i think it  has to  do 
         with the novelty. i hope.