eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do not know how useful  they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the  last  few times at least, and 
 there are  plenty of side effects that i 
 really do  not like, and  there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased or at  least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts  this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be  dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather just fields  and  motion. 
 now and then  i hear  this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so  stressful, but i  think it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.