eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to   stop    doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not  know how  useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them, the  last few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do  not  like, and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random   things  that   i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could  not  see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i  should avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or  at  least the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing   now,  they  did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load of concepts  this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague  they are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not   actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and then i hear  this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.