eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter  because i 
 do not  know how useful  they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them, the  last few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do not like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with  random  things  that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time  i could  not  see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ...  and i should avoid to  ruin all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,   and   sometimes  stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but maybe  i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes that  shit, 
 what a load of  concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,  not   actually   cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i  hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always  unpleasant, i become 
 so  stressful, but  i think it has to do 
        with the novelty. i hope.