eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the winter  because  i 
 do  not  know  how useful they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so tense  when  i  take 
 them,  the last  few times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really  do not like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to  see... for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i could  not  see  a certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i  should avoid to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the  burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load  of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then i hear this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is always  unpleasant,  i  become 
 so stressful,  but i think it  has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.