eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking    to   stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in  the  winter because i 
 do not know  how  useful they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last few times  at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side  effects that i 
 really do not  like,  and there  will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see a  certain 
 kind  of leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or at  least  the  burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,   and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but maybe i  just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will  no longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,  not  actually   cev's 
 though,  rather  just fields and motion. 
 now  and then i hear this sound  (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so  stressful, but i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.