eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was   thinking    to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do not  know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few times at  least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really do not  like, and  there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind of  leaf  without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid  to ruin  all the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at least  the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did  not  do   it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared  and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists of,  and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours,  it will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields  and motion. 
 now and  then  i hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it  is always unpleasant,  i  become 
 so  stressful, but i think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.