eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the winter  because  i 
 do not  know how  useful they have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few times at least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do not like,  and there  will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random   things  that  i 
 happen  to see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time  i  could  not see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without  getting anxious 
 ... and  i should  avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or  at least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,   and  sometimes  stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank  too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me  sometimes  that shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of, and  how  vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if i  do  not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close   my   eyes,  not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather  just fields and motion. 
 now and then i  hear this  sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and it is  always  unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i  think it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.