eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do  not know how useful they  have  been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense when  i  take 
 them, the last few  times  at least, and 
 there are plenty  of side effects that i 
 really  do  not like, and  there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with   random  things  that   i 
 happen to  see...  for  example,  for  a 
 long  time i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf without  getting  anxious 
 ... and i should avoid to ruin  all  the 
             seasons this way.            
                                          
                                         
                                          
    hmm, recently my visual phenomena     
 increased  or at  least the burn-ins  in 
 the   eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff  is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before. but  maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm  scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it comes  to  me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what  a  load of concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no  longer be dark when i 
 close  my   eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though, rather  just fields and  motion. 
 now and  then  i hear this sound (a real 
    sound (i think)), resembling some     
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it is  always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful, but i think  it has to  do 
        with the novelty. i hope.