eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i   was    thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens  in the  winter because  i 
 do  not  know how useful  they have been 
 anyway?  i  get  so  tense  when i  take 
 them,  the last few  times at least, and 
 there are plenty of side effects that  i 
 really  do not like,  and there will  be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks  with  random  things   that   i 
 happen  to  see...  for example,  for  a 
 long time  i  could  not  see  a certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ... and  i should avoid  to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased or  at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the  eyes,  and   sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they   did  not  do  it 
 before. but maybe i just drank too  much 
 coffee.  maybe i'm scared and making all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to  me sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a  load of  concepts this "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how vague  they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do  not  sleep  for  about twenty 
 hours, it  will no longer be dark when i 
 close  my  eyes,   not   actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just fields and  motion. 
 now and then i hear  this sound  (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is always unpleasant,  i become 
 so stressful,  but i think it has  to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.