eh                    
                                          
                                         
                                          
 i    was   thinking   to    stop   doing 
 hallucinogens in  the  winter because  i 
 do  not know how useful  they  have been 
 anyway?  i  get so  tense  when  i  take 
 them, the last few times at  least,  and 
 there are plenty of side effects  that i 
 really do  not  like,  and there will be 
   associations with these mini-anxiety   
 attacks   with   random  things  that  i 
 happen  to  see...  for  example,  for a 
 long  time i  could not  see  a  certain 
 kind  of  leaf  without getting  anxious 
 ...  and i  should avoid to ruin all the 
            seasons this way.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
     hmm, recently my visual phenomena    
 increased  or at  least  the burn-ins in 
 the   eyes,  and  sometimes   stuff   is 
 breathing  now,  they  did   not  do  it 
 before.  but maybe i just drank too much 
 coffee. maybe i'm scared and making  all 
             these things up.             
                                          
                                         
                                          
 it  comes  to me  sometimes  that  shit, 
 what a load  of concepts this  "reality" 
 consists  of,  and  how  vague they  are 
                                          
                                         
                                          
 if  i  do not  sleep  for  about  twenty 
 hours, it will no longer be dark when  i 
 close   my  eyes,   not  actually  cev's 
 though,  rather just  fields and motion. 
 now and  then i hear this  sound (a real 
     sound (i think)), resembling some    
  "knerp" from twentyfive c nbome or so.  
 and  it  is  always unpleasant, i become 
 so stressful, but  i think  it has to do 
         with the novelty. i hope.