RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
¨&&¨¨&&&¨¨ »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» &&¨&¨¨&&¨¨
&¨&¨&¨¨&¨& ¨&&&¨&¨&¨¨
&&&&&¨&&&¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN &¨¨&&&&&¨&
¨¨¨¨&&¨¨&¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. &¨&¨¨¨¨&&¨
¨¨¨&¨&¨&&¨ ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL &&&¨¨¨&¨&¨
¨¨&&&&&¨&& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨¨&¨¨&&&&¨
¨&¨¨¨¨&&¨¨ ¨&&¨&¨¨¨&¨
&&¨¨¨&¨&¨¨ MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &¨&&&¨¨&&¨
¨&¨¨&&&&¨& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH &&¨¨&¨&¨&&
&&¨&¨¨¨&&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&¨&&&&&¨&
¨&&&¨¨&¨¨¨ THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM &&&¨¨¨¨&&¨
&¨¨&¨&&¨¨¨ WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨¨&¨¨¨&¨&¨
&¨&&&¨&¨¨¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨&&¨¨&&&&&
&&¨¨&&&¨¨& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &¨&¨&¨¨¨¨¨
¨&¨&¨¨&¨&¨ &&&&&¨¨¨¨&
&&&&¨&&&&& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨¨¨&¨¨¨&&
¨¨¨&&¨¨¨¨¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨¨&&¨¨&¨¨
¨¨&¨&¨¨¨¨¨ COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE ¨¨&¨&¨&&¨¨
¨&&&&¨¨¨¨& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨&&&&&¨&¨¨
&¨¨¨&¨¨¨&& OPERATION. &¨¨¨¨&&&¨¨
&¨¨&&¨¨&¨¨ &¨¨¨&¨¨&¨&
&¨&¨&¨&&¨¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &¨¨&&¨&&&¨
&&&&&&¨&¨¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: &¨&¨&&¨¨&&
¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨¨ &&&&¨&¨&¨¨
¨¨¨¨&¨¨&¨¨ »»# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #»» ¨¨¨&&&&&¨¨
¨¨¨&&¨&&¨& »»# FOR QUIET AND CALM #»» ¨¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨
¨¨&¨&&¨&&¨ ¨&&¨¨¨&&¨¨
¨&&&¨&&¨&¨ »»# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #»» &¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨
&¨¨&&¨&&&& »»# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #»» &&&¨&&&&¨¨
&¨&¨&&¨¨¨¨ »»# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #»» ¨¨&&¨¨¨&¨&
&&&&¨&¨¨¨& »»# AND AT EASE #»» ¨&¨&¨¨&&&¨
¨¨¨&&&¨¨&¨ &&&&¨&¨¨&&
¨¨&¨¨&¨&&& »»# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #»» ¨¨¨&&&¨&¨&
¨&&¨&&&¨¨¨ »»# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #»» ¨¨&¨¨&&&&&
&¨&&¨¨&¨¨¨ »»# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #»» ¨&&¨&¨¨¨¨&
&&¨&¨&&¨¨& &¨&&&¨¨¨&¨
¨&&&&¨&¨&& »»# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #»» &&¨¨&¨¨&&&
&¨¨¨&&&&¨¨ »»# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #»» ¨&¨&&¨&¨¨&
&¨¨&¨¨¨&¨& »»# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #»» &&&¨&&&¨&¨
&¨&&¨¨&&&¨ »»# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #»» ¨¨&&¨¨&&&&
&&¨&¨&¨¨&& »»# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #»» ¨&¨&¨&¨¨¨¨
¨&&&&&¨&¨¨ &&&&&&¨¨¨&
&¨¨¨¨&&&¨& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» ¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨&&
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.