RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨¨¨&¨¨&¨& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ &&¨¨¨¨¨&&&
¨&¨¨&&¨&&& &¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨
¨&&¨&¨&&¨¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN &&&&¨¨¨&&¨
¨&¨&&&&¨&¨ THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨¨¨¨&¨¨&¨&
&&&&¨¨¨&&& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨¨¨&&¨&&&
¨¨¨¨&¨¨&¨¨ CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. &¨¨¨&¨&&¨¨
¨¨¨¨&&¨&&¨ &&¨¨&&&¨&¨
¨¨¨¨&¨&&¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &¨&¨&¨¨&&&
&¨¨¨&&&¨&& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH &&&&&&¨&¨¨
&&¨¨&¨¨&&¨ IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨¨¨¨¨¨&&&¨
&¨&¨&&¨&¨& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨&
¨&&&&¨&&&& WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE &¨¨¨¨¨&&¨&
&&¨¨¨&&¨¨¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE &&¨¨¨¨&¨&&
¨¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨ COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) ¨¨&¨¨¨&&&¨
¨¨&&¨&&&&¨ ¨¨&&¨¨&¨¨&
&¨&¨&&¨¨¨& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨&¨&¨&&¨&
¨&&&&¨&¨¨& CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨&&&&&¨&&
&&¨¨¨&&&¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE &¨&¨¨¨¨&&¨
&¨&¨¨&¨¨&& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨&&&¨¨¨&¨&
¨&&&¨&&¨&¨ OPERATION. &&¨¨&¨¨&&&
&&¨¨&&¨&&& &¨&¨&&¨&¨¨
&¨&¨&¨&&¨¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY &&&&&¨&&&¨
&&&&&&&¨&¨ NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: &¨¨¨¨&&¨¨&
¨¨¨¨¨¨¨&&& &&¨¨¨&¨&¨&
&¨¨¨¨¨¨&¨¨ ~~# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #~~ ¨¨&¨¨&&&&&
¨&¨¨¨¨¨&&¨ ~~# FOR QUIET AND CALM #~~ ¨¨&&¨&¨¨¨¨
¨&&¨¨¨¨&¨& ¨¨&¨&&&¨¨¨
¨&¨&¨¨¨&&& ~~# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #~~ ¨¨&&&¨¨&¨¨
¨&&&&¨¨&¨¨ ~~# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #~~ &¨&¨¨&¨&&¨
¨&¨¨¨&¨&&¨ ~~# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #~~ ¨&&&¨&&&¨&
&&&¨¨&&&¨& ~~# AND AT EASE #~~ &&¨¨&&¨¨&&
¨¨¨&¨&¨¨&& ¨¨&¨&¨&¨&¨
¨¨¨&&&&¨&¨ ~~# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #~~ ¨¨&&&&&&&&
&¨¨&¨¨¨&&& ~~# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #~~ &¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&&¨&&¨¨&¨¨ ~~# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #~~ ¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨¨
&¨&&¨&¨&&¨ ¨&¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨
&&&¨&&&&¨& ~~# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #~~ &&&¨&&¨¨¨¨
&¨¨&&¨¨¨&& ~~# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #~~ ¨¨¨&&¨&¨¨¨
&&¨&¨&¨¨&¨ ~~# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #~~ &¨¨&¨&&&¨¨
&¨&&&&&¨&& ~~# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #~~ &&¨&&&¨¨&¨
&&&¨¨¨¨&&¨ ~~# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #~~ ¨¨&&¨¨&¨&&
¨¨¨&¨¨¨&¨& &¨&¨&¨&&&¨
¨¨¨&&¨¨&&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨&&&&&&¨¨&
~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~
~ ~~ ~ ~ ¨ ~¨ ¨
¨ ¨ § ¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.