RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&&¨¨&&&& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨&¨&&¨¨¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&&& ¨&¨¨&¨¨&&¨
&¨&&¨&¨¨&& THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& OPERATION. ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# FOR QUIET AND CALM #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# AND AT EASE #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ~~# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #~~ ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
&¨¨&¨&¨&¨& ¨&¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨&¨&¨& ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ¨&¨&&¨&¨&¨
~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~ ~~
~ ~~ ~ ~ ¨ ~¨ ¨
¨ ¨ § ¨
¨
WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.