RITUALS FOR COMPUTER OPERATION
&¨&¨¨&&&¨& »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» &&&&&&¨&&&
&&&¨&¨¨&&¨ ¨¨¨¨¨&&¨¨¨
¨¨&&&¨&¨&¨ THE COMPUTER IS A VERY COMMON TOOL IN ¨¨¨¨&¨&¨¨&
¨&¨¨&&&&&& THE FUTURES, AND IN SOME WAYS EVEN NOW. ¨¨¨&&&&¨&&
&&¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨ ITS JOB IS TO DO VAST AMOUNTS OF SMALL ¨¨&¨¨¨&&¨&
¨&&&¨¨¨¨¨¨ CALCULATIONS IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME. ¨&&¨¨&¨&&¨
&¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨ &¨&¨&&&¨&¨
&¨&&¨¨¨¨¨& MOST WORK ON THE PRINCIPLES OF POSING &&&&¨¨&&&&
&&¨&¨¨¨¨&¨ THE PROBLEM ON A HILBERT PLANE, WHICH ¨¨¨&¨&¨¨¨¨
¨&&&¨¨¨&&& IS THEN FOLDED OUT OF CAUSALITY, SO ¨¨&&&&¨¨¨&
&¨¨&¨¨&¨¨& THAT DAEMONS CAN SOLVE THE PROBLEM ¨&¨¨¨&¨¨&&
&¨&&¨&&¨&& WITHOUT AFFECTING REAL LIFE. (THESE &&¨¨&&¨&¨¨
&&¨&&¨&&¨¨ DAEMONS ARE UNDER CONTRACT WITH THE ¨&¨&¨&&&¨&
¨&&¨&&¨&¨¨ COMPUTER MANUFACTURER.) &&&&&¨¨&&¨
&¨&&¨&&&¨¨ ¨¨¨¨&¨&¨&¨
&&¨&&¨¨&¨¨ IT'S COMMONPLACE FOR PROGRAMMERS AND ¨¨¨&&&&&&&
¨&&¨&¨&&¨¨ CLERKS TO PRAY TO THE "GODS" OF THEIR ¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&¨&&&&¨&¨& COMPUTER, OR TO THE DAEMONS DOING THE ¨&&¨¨¨¨¨¨¨
&&¨¨¨&&&&& WORK, FOR A QUICK AND FAULT FREE &¨&¨¨¨¨¨¨&
¨&¨¨&¨¨¨¨¨ OPERATION. &&&¨¨¨¨¨&¨
&&¨&&¨¨¨¨& ¨¨&¨¨¨¨&&¨
¨&&¨&¨¨¨&¨ SOME UBIQUITOUS AND GENERALLY ¨&&¨¨¨&¨&&
&¨&&&¨¨&&& NON-CONTROVERSIAL RITUALS INCLUDE: &¨&¨¨&&&¨&
&&¨¨&¨&¨¨& &&&¨&¨¨&&¨
¨&¨&&&&¨&& »»# LIGHT A SCENTED CANDLE #»» ¨¨&&&¨&¨&&
&&&¨¨¨&&¨¨ »»# FOR QUIET AND CALM #»» ¨&¨¨&&&&¨&
¨¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨ &&¨&¨¨¨&&¨
¨&&¨&&&&¨¨ »»# RECITE A MANTRA OR OTHER #»» ¨&&&¨¨&¨&¨
&¨&&¨¨¨&¨¨ »»# REASSURING MESSAGE TO MAKE #»» &¨¨&¨&&&&¨
&&¨&¨¨&&¨¨ »»# THE COMPUTER COMFORTABLE #»» &¨&&&¨¨¨&&
¨&&&¨&¨&¨¨ »»# AND AT EASE #»» &&¨¨&¨¨&¨¨
&¨¨&&&&&¨¨ ¨&¨&&¨&&¨¨
&¨&¨¨¨¨&¨¨ »»# SOME LIKE TO SAY A BRIEF #»» &&&¨&&¨&¨&
&&&¨¨¨&&¨¨ »»# PRAYER FOR SOLACE, TO BE #»» ¨¨&&¨&&&&¨
¨¨&¨¨&¨&¨¨ »»# LEFT ALONE DURING THEIR WORK #»» ¨&¨&&¨¨¨&&
¨&&¨&&&&¨¨ &&&¨&¨¨&¨&
&¨&&¨¨¨&¨& »»# OFFER A CUP OF STEAMING TEA #»» ¨¨&&&¨&&&&
&&¨&¨¨&&&¨ »»# OR A MEAL TO THE MACHINES #»» ¨&¨¨&&¨¨¨¨
¨&&&¨&¨¨&¨ »»# (SOMETIMES, BY FEY RULES, #»» &&¨&¨&¨¨¨&
&¨¨&&&¨&&¨ »»# THE DAEMONS ARE ALLOWED #»» ¨&&&&&¨¨&&
&¨&¨¨&&¨&¨ »»# TO RESPOND TO THIS) #»» &¨¨¨¨&¨&¨¨
&&&¨&¨&&&¨ &¨¨¨&&&&¨&
¨¨&&&&¨¨&¨ »»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»» &¨¨&¨¨¨&&¨
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WOULD YOU CONSIDER CODE GOLF
TO BE A KIND OF PRAYER?
AS IN, YOU MAKE A CONVOLUTED,
INTRICATE, BEAUTIFUL, AND USELESS
ARTIFACT. AS IN, YOU'RE USING YOUR
SKILLS TO ASK FOR SOMETHING,
...I'D ASK FOR A HANDFUL OF BUGS?
CODE HAS BUGS, LOTS OF IT.